CPRMom

No matter what I say or do, it is not the right thing. I know no one reads my blogs, but I enjoy them. Even if I don't write as often as I should. Tonight I am just sad.  I never seem to have the right words, or am not completely present when others expect me to be there.  I don't do enough, but I'm always exhausted trying to keep up.  I start to wonder why I continue to try, but then something else pops up that I need to do.  So no time to think. Time to sleep, my day starts so early and ends so late.  What I do is often not enough.  Struggling to do more in the small space of time each day allows.  But it never seems good enough for those who judge by what I do not by the intent behind it. I just need a few hours to sleep so I can start each day over again and hopefully do better.  I know it will never be good enough for those with super high standards that I will never reach.  But I will try.

Sometimes life throws you a curveball. Friday night I get a few texts and a phone call.  My mom is in the hospital, and it does not look good.  Can I come down right away? I have a class scheduled for Saturday.  Granted it is a small class, but I have students who have paid for a course.  I am a Training Site of 1.  I do not have a backup instructor. I spent part of Saturday's class checking my phone.  Surgery scheduled for Tuesday.  I have classes Sunday, Monday, & Tuesday.  I start emailing all my students.  Sunday's class for a Girl Scout troop will be rescheduled.  Tuesday's class rescheduled.  I finish my class, run home for dinner, and hit the road.  She's been transferred to a hospital about an hour & a half away. This is cancer.  It is huge.  She is in a lot of pain. The challenge with being self-employed is I can't call in sick.  When I have to reschedule classes it impacts more...