I was having an email conversation with a friend who was cautioning me not to be persuaded to do something for someone. And suddenly all I could think of was that I was at the bottom of a well.
I feel like I’m at the bottom of a well and trying to climb up wet sides. I keep slipping backwards and am not making quick progress.
And honestly, that's what I feel like.
I feel guilty saying I'm behind because my mom died. And it's not completely that, it's almost 2 weeks of driving to a hospital out of state every other day. It's 2 1/2 months of driving weekly 2 states away to visit. It's the guilt I was feeling for not driving down more frequently. It's the time spent in the car, 4-6 hours each trip, plus the time spent visiting. During all that driving and all that visiting I wasn't getting any work done on my business or volunteer work. I wasn't getting projects and housework done at home. I wasn't doing fun summer things with my kids. It's that phone call of 'come down now' and several days of just getting through the basics. It's a lot of things that didn't get done. And now they need to be completed and I haven't started them.
And suddenly I'm at the bottom of a well looking up. And each stone is something that needs to be done so that I can get out of the well and onto level ground. Except that there are so many things keeping me from climbing up each stone. I have scheduled classes to teach, my kids need rides to their activities. I have housework to do. It's mid September and I've finally posted October classes, but not advertised them yet. I have organizations emailing to schedule classes and I can't fit everyone in because I don't have the rest of my fall schedule on my calendar. The stones are wet and slippery and there are just too many of them.
I'm scattered. And not doing well at keeping up and replying to everyone's needs. I'm not drowning or treading water, I'm just standing at the bottom of the well looking up at all the myriad things that should have been done that are still waiting for me to reach out and tackle them.
I need several days of no scheduled activities to get caught up. But my calendar is pretty booked. I also need a day or two somewhere to just decompress and breathe. Trying to pick which to do on a day I have a few hours open is my current challenge. Do I get caught up and climb a bit out of the well or do I take a few hours away to re-energize? Do I start to climb up the well or do I take a moment to regroup, focus my energies and spirit before beginning the climb?
I think I will go for a local hike, and return to begin the climb.