Sales spam

I think every business owner gets lots of unsolicited emails from companies trying to sell products and services to them.  I usually ignore them.  They usually send 2 emails.  The second outlining why I need them.  The second usually more informal, like a friend catching up, using comments like... "I haven't heard back from you".  Yup, right... you didn't hear back from me because I deleted your email.

So today I get a third email from this company, it was kinda entertaining.  Identifying information on the company removed.  I might find this amusing, but they might not like being the subject of a blog post.

Gail,

I have been trying to connect with you over the past two weeks, to learn about your programs and who the best person to speak with on this subject. Being that I haven't heard from you, this leads me to a few possible circumstances:

1) You’re all set with suppliers at Coastal CPR and First Aid LLC, and if that is the case please let me know so I stop bothering you.

2) You are interested in what XXXX can do, but just very busy right now. If this is the case, please let me know when we can pick up the conversation.

3) You got attacked by a Lemur,
and need me to call for help....
Brown Lemur in Andasibe.jpg
  
Please let me know which it is, as I am beginning to worry......

Look forward to hearing from you!

Best,

Joe

So I begin to think about this.  Despite a crazy busy day preparing for tomorrow's race.  Yes, tomorrow is the 14th annual Fox Point Sunset 5 Mile Road Race.  We'll be doing race day registration beginning at 3pm if you want to come run or walk the best 8K on the Seacoast!  But the race is not the topic of my post.  I got home from early bib pick up and saw the email still sitting in my inbox, and well..... felt I need to reply.  If only to assure a total stranger that I was not in danger from Lemurs.  

My reply:

Dear Joe,

Thank you for your kind concern for my well-being.  I have not been attacked by lemurs, I live in NH so I have a greater chance of being attacked by a moose, or a coyote or fisher cat.  Although I do spend time in the evening watching deer, which are much more docile.

I have not replied as I get a lot of unsolicited email from folks like you trying to sell me services and products that I don't need.  Mostly I ignore all these emails. I get that you're trying to make a sale, and want to follow up.  Pretty much everyone sends me a second email writing something like "I haven't heard back from you"; which is accurate since I never replied to the first email.  I have to admit your third email was a bit unique, although might appear stalker-ish if you are concerned for my welfare when you really don't know me.  And perhaps subtly appealing to old fashioned manners that would necessitate a reply to your inquiry.

I teach CPR and First Aid, I use national programs published by groups like the American Heart Association.  I don't make up my own stuff, I use their stuff.  It makes my job easier and ensures I'm meeting national guidelines.  And they require that I use their stuff and buy it from their vendors.  That is how they earn income that they use to fund scientific studies in cardiac resuscitation and how to improve training methods so we can save more lives with reduced neurological deficit.  This is truly exciting stuff.  The new Guidelines for CPR & ECC will be released next month and the studies being published now are really interesting.  The AHA has a great blog with more info at http://cprblog.heart.org/

national responsibility

If I was going to write my own stuff, it would really just be borrowed stuff.  I'll share one of my favorite books on this topic with you:



I have also been really busy as I volunteer a lot.  I co-direct a road race which is a fundraiser for my kids school.  It's been a really busy week as we get ready for this weekends race.

So therefore you have no need to be concerned about my well-being.  I'm healthy, busy, teaching and volunteering.  There is no need for you to fill my inbox with your concerns which I'm sure are really just about making a sale.  I think my lack of response to your first 2 emails should have been indicative of my lack of interest, or need, for your company's services.  I am replying solely because from the tone of your third email I'm led to think you might keep emailing and I'd like to save us both a lot of time.  I politely ask that you remove me from your list and do not continue to email me.

Take care,

Gail 

The questions now are:....   Will Joe reply?  Will he read exciting news on the AHA's CPR Blog?  Might he check out my book recommendation or will he just delete my email like I did to his first two?  Should I update him and tell him he's the subject of a blog post?  Is his name really Joe?  I'll update if there are any new developments.

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