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Showing posts from June, 2016

Never good enough

No matter what I say or do, it is not the right thing.

I know no one reads my blogs, but I enjoy them. Even if I don't write as often as I should.

Tonight I am just sad.  I never seem to have the right words, or am not completely present when others expect me to be there.  I don't do enough, but I'm always exhausted trying to keep up.  I start to wonder why I continue to try, but then something else pops up that I need to do.  So no time to think.

Time to sleep, my day starts so early and ends so late.  What I do is often not enough.  Struggling to do more in the small space of time each day allows.  But it never seems good enough for those who judge by what I do not by the intent behind it.

I just need a few hours to sleep so I can start each day over again and hopefully do better.  I know it will never be good enough for those with super high standards that I will never reach.  But I will try.

Sudden change of schedule

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Sometimes life throws you a curveball.


Friday night I get a few texts and a phone call.  My mom is in the hospital, and it does not look good.  Can I come down right away?

I have a class scheduled for Saturday.  Granted it is a small class, but I have students who have paid for a course.  I am a Training Site of 1.  I do not have a backup instructor.

I spent part of Saturday's class checking my phone.  Surgery scheduled for Tuesday.  I have classes Sunday, Monday, & Tuesday.  I start emailing all my students.  Sunday's class for a Girl Scout troop will be rescheduled.  Tuesday's class rescheduled.  I finish my class, run home for dinner, and hit the road.  She's been transferred to a hospital about an hour & a half away.

This is cancer.  It is huge.  She is in a lot of pain.

The challenge with being self-employed is I can't call in sick.  When I have to reschedule classes it impacts more than just me.  Tuesday's students are rescheduled for 2 different …